smile-when

I dont think I have ever felt so broken before. So alone.. Seriously. I feel like I’m constantly under this cloud of black and theres not light, no sunshine or rainbows. Just me. Alone.. why did you have to do this to me? Hurt me so bad. You promised you wouldn’t and I believed you. You showed me love. You showed me happiness, I’d never thought you’d be the one showing me hurt, sadness, and loneliness. You promised you’d always be here for me, but here I am. Typing this on a computer because you’re not here. You’re with her… and I suppose she’s better than me.. I don’t know what I did to make you not love me anymore, I gave you my everything. I gave you my life, my trust, I opened up. And you showed me exactly why I shouldn’t. We were so in love. It made me dizzy at times. You made me feel beautiful. And like I mattered to someone.. Was it all just a game? I know you’ve been hurt too, maybe you’re doing this to me, because your last relationship was like this, and it’s just programmed in your head? I told you the other day I wanted to die, to commit suicide. And you yelled at me, and got mad at me for it. You didn’t try comforting me, or holding me to tell me everything will work out.. Thats all you do anymore is yell and get mad at me. I try to talk to you and everything I say pisses you off.. I don’t know what I can do anymore. I want to hold on, because I have held on for so long, and I don’t like change.. I dont want someone else to love me like you did, or touch me like you did, I dont want to kiss someone else, or to hold their hands. I want yours. But yours are so far away from mine that I don’t think I can hold on anymore. Im slipping away, and you’re not fighting back to pull me up. So, I guess this is it. I have nothing else to say, I just hope shes worth it. I hope one day you look back, and see how much I loved you. How much I cared and how much I gave too you. And I hope it hurts you as much as it hurts me.

genuinelylarry: